Tim Tebow....2010's Great White Hope

Tim Tebow, if you dont know this name then you have been hiding under a rock(or just dont watch ESPN). So for those under-rock dwellers here is a short summary: Tim Tebow is a former Florida Gator, national championship winning Quarterback, and Heisman winner. He has been embraced by the football community(mostly the white sect) for being an every man type who is not that skilled at the technical aspects of football but managed to eek out victories with sheer hustle. I was actually in to the Tebow, the idea of this running QB who was an average sized white guy with alot of heart who energized his team and his entire University. When he won the Heisman I cheered, when he won the National Championship I celebrated, when he proclaimed his right-wing christian beliefs I GAGGED!!! Soon after, I begin to think of Tim Tebow differently. After listening to countless sports reporters and newscasters praise him on a personal level for being such a good model kid, a virgin(yeah right, the QB of the Gators not getting any?) the kind of boy that people want their kids to be like(yes I actually heard someone say this) I became upset with the reality of Tim receiving praise for being an all-american white kid even though he sucked as a quarterback AND every piece of personal praise included the caveat that he would not thrive as a NFL quarterback.

In the months leading up to the draft, the media continued to Farve-erize him(paise him for his white man heroics in football)....Then I hear Tim Tebow is changing his entire throwing style in order to make himself more attractive to NFL teams...Riiiiiight, the one that has been the same for four years, he is going to switch it up, perfect it, and be NFL ready in three months. Myself and every black person laughed, guffaed even as white people hoped and prayed that their golden boy Tim would at least MAKE IT to the NFL. Well to the surprise of myself and everyone else that watches football not only did Tebow get drafted, he went in the first round(I thought at best he would go in the third). It seems the Denver Broncos thought it important to draft a 3rd string QB in the first round for his "personality" than using that pick to help their team get better. To add insult to injury Tim Tebow had the highest selling Jersey last month on NFL.com surpassing numbertwo Donavan Mcnabb's new Redskins jersey and third Drew Breesus(can you tell Im a saints fan). Thats right, a rookie QB who hast taken one down as a professional(and probably never will) surpassed two of the greatest Qb's in the league in jersey sales. I'd like to think the people that bought Tebow's jersey bought it as a collecters item because its one of the biggest gaffs in draft history(second to Jamarcus Russell but we will address that later), but I realize now that is not the case. Tim Tebow is a symbol to white people, a representation of the fact that anything is possible for them if they are just mediocre at what they do whilst keeping a squeky clean image they can achieve things well above their level of competency. It made me realize that in this country Great White Hope can become Great White Reality...sigh...Im having a "bluest eye" moment....ttyl

BEST HOOD MOVIE EVER.....SHOTTAS vs. BELLY

With an opening scene that rivals even the best music video Belly enraptured me from the title scene of child in a pentagram burning money to the first bits of dialogue. after that, it became a series of black stereotypes strung together by a great soundtrack. Rappers DMX(Buns) and Nas(Sincere) were the leading men of the urban ensemble which also included Taral Hicks(Keisha), Tionne Watkins(who knew T-boz would be such an awful actress), and Method man(perhaps the shining light in the movie). Besides the lesson in poor acting Belly gave us "one" the phone salutation used by every urbanly inclined young person circa 2001. Although Belly is terribly written it happens to be one of the most unwittingly funny movies I've ever seen. Classic Lines include(but not limited to):

"Jamaicas ggood, Jamaicas very good"

"She told me she sucked your lil black ding-a-ling last night, what you have to say now?"

"This fucking Rabbit Stinks"

"I rolls dolo from state to state, ha ha"

"Thats your man, thats your man"

"When it rains niggas get wet"

Even though the movie made very little sense, had a non-existent plot, and involved a trek to Africa(Lets just do it lets just go to Africa) it is still a hood classic and gets my full attention every time its on(secretly i know like almost every line of the movie)...most of the good ones come from Buns and Father Sha(loved the shameless wu-wear plugs)(what happened to wu-wear lol) but the movie leaves you with too many questions like how did Tionnes blond wigs hold up in the motherland, did Keisha and Buns get back together, whatever happened to Wise after he shot Lakid in the restaurant....anyway it was like a really long music video but still has one of the best sex scenes I have ever seen in a movie. You know the one, Bunz and Keish get in in after an arguement about a jumpoff, its so lovely and complete with African drumbs. Which are perhaps a nod to the movies move to africa culmination I hated the random 16 year old giving brain(ghetto factoid..its only brain in a whip and its only a whip if it cost over 80 g's) to Bunz while on the phone is one of the worse sex scenes Ive ever seen so perhaps they cancel each other out...there is much I like about this movie perhaps its kitschy hoodness is too much for some but I can always pop in Belly and at the end although confused, I am totally satisfied.

Now on to the contender:

Shottas

From its gritty scarface style opening(thats actually the end of the movie) Shottas shocks you with violence and plenty of island-style foolery. After watching shottas it occured to me that Jamaican ghetto shit is completely different from Black ghetto shit. For one the kids play cops and robbers but include a snitch in the game who invariably is also shot. The title characters Wayne(Spragga Benz) and Biggs(Ky-Mani Marley) start off as little barefoot, dirty children in the slums of Kingston. The type of depravity and poverty depicted in the movie is typical of third world countries and makes American poverty seem like a vacation. Anyway wayne and Biggs aquire a gun and hold up a delivery truck driver, thus beginning there careers as stick up men(Eat da big drug dealer dem food). This movie is also filled with classic scenes and a script that sticks with you....

"Who shot my little brotha?"

"Take the what and left the what, you sound like a pussywood"

"Ya really done fucked up you know that right Mr. Andy"

"Shotta no rob 9-5 people and you know dat king!"

"Max, done him"

(all of these sound cooler in Patois)

i really could go on and on with this movie. i thoroughly enjoyed this movie although it was an urban flick it had an uncharacteristically thorough plot that was easier to follow than belly's even though half the dialogue was in Patois(subtitled in english). The soundtrack for this one was equally as awesome as Belly(if you like reggae/dancehall), Backshot by Spragga Benz ft. Lady Saw is my fav . It corresponds with one of the best scenes in the movie, where Wayne is in the bathroom and three shottas(gangstas) sneak up with guns intending to shoot him. He is rescued by Biggs who comes in guns blazing.The only part ofthis movie that perplexed me(and intrigued me) was Max the SHOTTA SERIAL KILLER. The scene where after killing someone Max is smoking a cigarette held by the dead persons hand caught me completely off guard(I still chuckled, I know...sick). Still although it came out ofthe blue, I find the notion of young black gangsters as serial killers quite intriguing and likely more real than we all know, but thats another blog.I mean in some respects Shottas has all the makings of a typical hood movie; guns, hoes, drugs etc. but its island flair and cohesive plot make it a standout.

My vote for Best Ghetto Melodrama goes too....(drumroll)....for its well thought storyline and cultural aptitude....SHOTTAS!!!!! To quote DMX..."Jamaicas good, Jamaicas very good!"

:)

Really Sheila Johnson?? BET co-founder talks about Black EXPLOITATION Television

Sheila Johnson speaks the truth thank GOD!! This business saavy black woman who co-founded BET explains how she thinks BET is negatively effecting our community and how at its inception it was intended to be a TV version of Ebony Magazine of TV. Well unfortunately Sheila its become the Black Mens Magazine of TV! Better yet, the Black Tail Magazine of TV. And yes you Sheila Jackson had a HUGE part in its decline. Its like she took her brain child that she intended to be a debutante and put it in a mini skirt and high heels dropped it off on the corner introduced it to prostitutes and when she left it, she is surprised that it never became her sweet young deb and instead the top earning hooker on the block. Its funny, BET has gotten so bad that I forgot it once was a positive uplifting channel that was safe for my pre-adolescent eyes and ears. Looking at it now its hard to believe any parent would let their children watch its programming. Teen Summit has been replaced by the mindlessly offensive 106th and park that features the same audience demographic(pre-teens and teenagers) but with decidedly more adult content. Midnight Love and Video Soul were once replaced with BET UNCUT, a nightly program featuring local videos and NC-17 versions of popular videos and amounted to little more than softcore porn(the wack cigarette burned country stripper internet kind not the awesome high production value cinemax kind:)...These days The nightly programming on BET is filled with offensively stereotypical reality shows and Jaime Foxx Show reruns. Sadly a lot of this happened on Ms. Sheilas watch(i.e. the end of Teen Summit and the inclusion of UnCut) but don't expect to find any accountability in the former co-founders' little shpiel. I could talk about the negative imagery blasted on this channel until blue in the face but BET although the gate keeper is not solely responsible for the pluthera of luxury car, naked bitches, flashy jewelry, club scene, videos that now dominate a genre that used to feature unique video concepts and flattered the black woman where as now she is a rented prop like the car she gyrates on and the rappers jewelry she bites licks whatever the hell they do. So now BET has become the opposite and thanks to the raunchy vids it has done the opposite of what Sheila Johnson intended by sexualizing an entire generation of children. I can pinpoint the exact moment at which I knew BET was ruining the kids(the real kids not the KiDS;) I saw a 13 year old girl announcing the number one video(for the 8th week in a row 106th & park record) Wait the whisper song. Teenagers screaming for, singing along to, and voting for a song about a man boasting his dick laying skills and telling a young woman, nay, a bitch that he cant wait to show her his dick and he will beat her p**sy up. Good job being responsible to the youth BET(where is Ananda and the panel when you need them). Anyway its become demeaning to watch and Im glad the founder has something to say about what her vision has become, but I still feel like she should have acknowledged the hand she had in creating this moster instead of just talking about all the children its killing. Too bad she hasn't the power to do anything about it, but anyway its a good quote from her and worth the read....ENJOY!!!

Sheila Johnson, co-founder of BET along with her ex-husband Robert L. Johnson, cashed out for $1.3 billion in 2000 when they sold it to Viacom. In a recent interview, Shelia Johnson was asked her thoughts today on what help create 30 years ago:

Don’t even get me started,I don’t watch it. I suggest to my kids that they don’t watch it… I’m ashamed of it, if you want to know the truth.

When we started BET, it was going to be the Ebony magazine on television. We had public affairs programming. We had news… I had a show called Teen Summit, we had a large variety of programming, but the problem is that then the video revolution started up… And then something started happening, and I didn’t like it at all. And I remember during those days we would sit up and watch these videos and decide which ones were going on and which ones were not. We got a lot of backlash from recording artists…and we had to start showing them. I didn’t like the way women were being portrayed in these videos.

I just really wish—and not just BET but a lot of television programming—that they would stop lowering the bar so far just so they can get eyeballs to the screen. I know they think that’s what’s going to keep programming on the air; that’s what’s going to sell advertising. But there has got to be some responsibility. Somebody has got to take this over. Because with all the studies that are out there, this is contributing to an atmosphere of free sex, ‘I don’t have to protect myself anymore.

Present day, Sheila Johnson’s on the President’s Committee on the Arts and the Humanities, and chairs the board of governors of Parsons, The New School for Design. She is president and managing partner of the Washington Mystics of the Women’s National Basketball League, and also owns substantial stakes in the NBA’s Washington Wizards and the National Hockey League’s Washington Capitals. The owner of several hotels and a PGA golf course, she is building a luxury spa and convention center on a 347-acre tract in horse country in Middleburg, Virginia, where she also has a farm and indulges her love of all things equestrian.

A Word on Haters......

So being a pretty girl most of my life(Im not being conceited facts are facts honey:) I have been privy to astronomical amounts of hate. Normally I take the Katt Williams stance and see the haters as a compliment nay validation of my fabulous existence, because after all having nothing to hate on is very sad indeed. However can I just say that shits ANNOYING!!! SO I have comprised a list of my main haters. This list is in no way a complete representation of all my haters just the most egregious ones. If you are a fly person Im sure you can relate, if you hate on this you are probably in one of these categories.

Yes, the dejected men who want to talk to me but know they will never have the chance call me conceited, bitchy, stuck up...it's not a problem, a bother really. Im sorry that you are too stupid,

too short, too corny, too fat, have a monkeyface, too skinny whatever. It's not my fault go holla at a girl who appreciates your dimwits, big belly and monkeyface thats the solution and I'm not

the problem. But you and I both know if I gave your ass a second glance you would be all over me like bees on honey, honey. So don't insult my character because of some unrequited fantasy, just date in your lane and keep it moving

The girl in the mall giving me the evil eye as her man eyes me like a juicy t-bone, no bitch wrong

direction for evil stare beam those death rays toward your man not me the innocent, gorgeous bystander. I did not make a commitment to you to not look flyer than you so your man wouldnt stare, he made the commitment to not ogle random women blatantly as you stand by ignored! So, yes...Handle your business and dont resign yourself do giving every flybitch that draws his

attention the stare down because what does that solve. It doesnt make me any less fly or him anymore repectful. Check YA Man!

The waitress at Cafe anywhere who hates waiting on the breathtaking polite young black

woman in her section. Im sorry bitch did I make you drop out of school, or your parents not save for your secondary education, or you pursue acting against the impossible odds? Oh! No? I didnt? Well then wait my table with a god damn smile on your face and with some purpose. I get it your not really a waitress you are just working here while you pursue acting, modeling, sculpting, writing, well guess what right now while you have a tray in one hand and a pad in the other you are my waitress so wait BITCH!Contrary to whats said about black women, we do tip well, when its deserved. So don't serve me up a side of attitude with my salad, bring me extra whatever-the-fuck I ask for , and we will get along just fine.

The jilted ex-lover who was discarded in favor of someone more...ummm....everything?? like me!!. In the words of the great Goldie, your bitch just chose me, you know the game. Yes... you do know... the really messed up part about this hater is that at one point they have probably been

me and took some other girls man, so dont talk behind my back, try to discredit me, because he left you for me lets just call it karma, and right now you're the loser. First you've probably seen ME and secretly can't blame him for making an obvious choice. Two you most likely know nothing about me other than I look better than you. Finally, three, whats done is done and no amount of hating will send that cargo back to you. I mean really throwing me shade will do nothing but make you look more pathetic so please stop. If your lucky(and humble) I might stamp him with a return to sender. But if you hate hard and take every opportunity to bismerch my name to your girls, what good does it do? I have him and no amount of hating will get him back. Jst keep ypur mouth shut and hope I get bored otherwise its curtains(permanently) for you and the ex-boo!

Last but definitely not least the bitches on the other side of the velvet rope hating on me in VIP. This is the saddest and most depraved of the hater species because the hating is anonymous and likely willnot be remembered the next day, and directed at another random fabulouista(TM:) the next night you hit the club in an extra tight dress trying to get some VIP love. Unbeknownst to you I may have(not likely) paid for this table and bottles or maybe I got in by virtue of my flyness. Either way I didnt have to cozy up to some obese smelly bouncer wearing his only black suit(funeral, weddings, church, work) to work my way up some stairs into a "promised land" where the goose flows freely and the diamond sparkle hurts your eyes. Gimme a break, number one VIP is not that special, number two the guys up there see your desperate ass and know they can come buy you a couple drinks toward the end of the night and still smash...see...so you still get your hood-rich penis!! Im not stopping you girlfriend so save the hating glares when I enter your real and sccoch past you to hit the restroom. Because I am not your nemesis, your lack of self-worth, however, IS!

OPRAH MY OPRAH Interviews Rielle Hunter

Today Oprah did what Oprah does, got an interview from someone who doesnt give interviews. Thats right the exalted Oprah got one this time from Rielle Hunter. You may not immediately remember this name or maybe you do if not I shall fill you in anyway. Rielle is the mistress and baby momma of former Democratic candidate for presidency in 2008, John Edwards. Now, two things occured to me immediately while watching her trying to look poised in her hot pink cardigan (which seems to be the universal trying not to look like a ho get up). Number one was her name, which is is trailer trashy like miller hi-life and cut off shorts, where does this girl hail from with a name like Rielle? Number two was although Elizabeth Edwards is a portly relatively unattractive lady Rielle is no looker by any standards. I have seen the pictures before and although her face looked brick bust(yes like someone hit her in the face with a brick) I always thought the tabloids were doing her wrong like many people caught by the paprazzi doing menial day to day tasks. As I watched her on Oprah her Keebler Elf like face shalacked with make up three shades darker than her skin applied thick to cover her acne scars, blush applied in the ol' school apple method I thought to myself women like this are ruining marraiges, public images, PRESIDENTIAL HOPES???? In the words of my good sister Heaven Glamour(hey G's) "I JEST DONT GIT IT"... Immediately I harken back to the Lewinsky days when the same types questions were floating around. Why are these powerful men cheating, nay ruining thier lives and careers for these short lived trysts with Trailer-Park Tammys??? These are the facts John Edwards is an attractive man, powerful, talented yet he ended up with Rielle. Elizabeth Edwards used to be about an 8 after a bout with cancer and 3(?) kids she is is still a solid 5 and Rielle is a 6 before the kid with no cancer, this confuses me. But back to the interview, Rielle spends the 50 minutes trying to convince Oprah and herself that she is not a homewrecker. I mean I wanted Oprah to ask her do you even know what a homewrecker is cause by definition you are THE homewrecker honey. She talks about meeting him knowing he was married but basically coming on to him in a hotel bar and kicking it with him that night in his hotel where they had a "4 hour conversation." I assume, and I am sure Elizabeth, Oprah, and every woman watching (hoes and wives alike) are thinking like me, by 4 hours she means 30 minutes and by conversation she means blowing him into oblivion. Over the next 20 minutes she describes leading him into a life of truth(yes truth) and that was her purpose when she met him, really the nerve of a Ho getting philosophical about ho'ing however appaling did make me cackle. Rielle became John Edwards videographer which is ironic because the two eventually made a sex tape together(ewwww) that she claims she tried to eradicate. As both Oprah and I both gave her the lying bitch stare down she tried to explain at The O's behest how she detroyed the very tape that was later turned over intact by an Edwards aide. Hmmm a videographer who doesnt know how to destroy a video tape. Idk I guess lying and ho'ing go hand in hand, it can be said one is the essence of the other(you decide).

She did raise an interesting point however, she said she couldnt break up a relationship that was already broken which I agree with in part. Although it seems that she took a relationship with cracks in it because of the stress of terminal disease, kids, and politics and chop that shit in half Bruce Leroy style(yes thats right Daddy Greens boy). Im just saying I wanted to see Rielle take some responsibility for taking this womans husband.

Even though I love her people arent property line(classic ho quote) husbands and wives by definition are property, Im pretty sure religious marraige vows say something like that. I want to see all of the side bitches of the world embrace their part in the the wrecking of homes and stop using that tired ass "I cant take him" and "If she were doing her job..." its like no you assisted with many blow jobs and free time to randomly kick it and do sexual things that a wife and mother with responsibilities of keeping this mans home in shape probably hasn't the time to do.

Anyway Rielle finished the interview by implying that she is still fucking John although she wouldnt say directly she was and that he pays for her baby and her crib too. After this whole fiasco Im thinking the only differences between Johnny(as she affectionately called him throughout the interview) Edwards and every NBAer and NFLer is a few inches(height and length;), coonish jewelry, and smashing videographers as opposed to video girls. SMH step it up politicians......ruin your marraige and career over something young and hot not old and leathery....